About

MyThrouple is a writing project about how three people build a relationship in which all three actually decide. It exists because almost everything else written on the subject is addressed to a couple, and treats the person joining them as a logistics problem to be solved.

Who this is for

Three overlapping situations, and we try to write for all of them at once rather than picking the couple as the default reader:

• Someone considering being one of three, who wants to know what they are walking into before anyone asks them to decide.
• Two people who are discussing it, and are discovering that most of the difficulty is in what each assumed the other had already agreed to.
• Three people already in an arrangement that now has to keep working — renegotiating, handling jealousy, noticing when someone has gone quiet.

Where the writing comes from

We read a large volume of public discussion — forums and community threads where people describe these relationships in their own words — and we count what people actually raise. The consistent finding, and the reason this site is shaped the way it is: the dominant problem is negotiating rules and boundaries, followed by jealousy and by asymmetry between the people involved. Difficulty finding someone barely registers by comparison.

That is why you will not find a directory here, and why the pages are about conversations rather than about searching.

Two limits worth stating plainly. Public discussion over-represents people who had a problem worth writing about — people for whom it simply went well have less reason to post. And we never reproduce anyone's words as their own; community material informs what we choose to write about, and every page here is written fresh.

What we do not do

We do not host profiles, run matching, or arrange introductions. We do not sell anything. We are not therapists or lawyers, and pages here are not a substitute for talking to the people actually involved.

We also avoid a specific habit common in this subject area: reducing the person joining an existing couple to a role that needs filling. Every person arrives with a whole life and an equal voice; this site is written from that starting point.

Corrections

If something here is wrong, tell us and we will fix it. Corrections are made on the page with the update date changed, not quietly edited away. Contact details are on our contact page.